Surprise! You don't only share his eyes
It's the drink that's in your hand
It's that knack for telling awful lies
Why am I always right?

As you slept away the day in my bedroom
I found a criminal use for your pillow
I love you terribly, I swear that this is true
But I just can't stop my hands from smothering you

I skipped town on a flight to your city
There I crept up to your lover's window
He poured a scotch and sobbed alone in the kitchen
I took dead aim, and then I let it blow!

You're just like your dad
Surprise! You don't only share his eyes
It's the drink that's in your hand
It's that knack for telling awful lies

You're just like your dad
Surprise! You don't only share his eyes
It's the drink that's in your hand
It's that knack for telling awful lies
Why am I always right?

Stick a fork in a socket, do what you'd like
Just make sure that I'm far out of your life
Take an axe to your fingers, carve out your eyes
And cut out your tongue and we'll call this a tie
Cut out your lying tongue and we'll call this a tie

You're just like your dad
Surprise! You don't only share his eyes
Like your dad
Surprise! You don't only share his eyes
It's the drink that's in your hand
It's that knack for telling awful lies

It's the drink that's in your hand
It's that knack for telling awful lies
It's the drink that's in your hand
It's that knack for telling awful lies
Why am I always right?