Yes I can lift a mini

Cos I’m a liar

Can fly, so high
Invented crisp and dry
I am in charge when the red arrows fly by

I’m a liar
I’ve seen, The Queen
Reading Nuts magazine
She used to buy it but she now gets it
For free

I can eat a packet of crisps
Whilst on a unicycle
I was friends with the Hoff
When people called him Michael
It was my idea
To do X Factor
Not that Simon Cowell

Cos I’m a liar

You dig, I’m big
I’m actually the stig
Was brought up by a pig just outside of Leeds

I'm a liar

I dance, I cook
Wrote Harry Potter books
But let that lady say she did cos she
Was nice

Cos I’m a liar
I’m a liar

Sliced bread, invented sliced bread
I did it with Joe Pesci sitting in a
Garden shed
Can climb a mountain
Came up with wheelie bins
And on the Starship Enterprise
I am the captain

Hob Nobs, invented Hob Nobs
Whilst having lunch with Noddy Holder
Eating meat cobs
Daytime TV
Is all made by me
I come up with all the ideas
Whist eating my tea

I'm a liar/ I'm a liar