Why I knew then this was something special
I couldn't stop thinking about her
And every time I switched on the radio, there was somebody else

Singing a song about the two of us
It was just like being on a fast ride at the fun fair
The sort you want to get off because it's scary and then
As soon as you're off, you want to get straight back on again

But oh, love is strange and you have to learn to take the crunchy
With the smooth I suppose, she began going out with Mr. Potato Head
It was when I saw her in the car park
With his coat around her shoulders, I realized

I went home and thought about the two of them together
Until the bath water went cold around me
I thought about her eyes and the curve of her breasts
And about the point where their bodies met

I confronted her about it
I said, "I'm the most eligible bachelor in town"
And she said, "Yeah, that's why I can never understand
Any of those silly letters, you send me"

And then one day it happened
She cut her hair
And I stopped loving her